I Need More Calm Mornings

I need more time just like this... just to contemplate

I woke up pretty early today. Well, too early if you ask me. Bear sat next to me before he had to leave for work and we cuddled, but of course Ein had to come up and pounce me nonstop because he had to go out. Afraid of poopie accidents, the cuddles were cut short and I took him out at 5 a.m. on a Saturday and I haven't fallen asleep since. And if you were curious, no Ein spent his time running around chasing Hans, sprinkled his business and no poop, and well, ran around and chased some leaves.

I've had my early lunch, cleaned the kitchen and the back hallway (partially). I think I'm done for the day and I'm ready for a nap. I easily get drained on weekends, and thinking about the upcoming trip I have on Monday just makes me more anxious and tired in advance.

Thoughts to ponder...

I have a lot of things to do planned in my head, and hopefully I get to accomplish half. I am hopeful I'll get a lot of crafting and/or painting done today. It's beautiful but pretty cold out already. I guess outdoor activities are about to come to an end. I have to focus on doing things I love at home to save some money, because, well I am paying for the sins of my previous spending.

Well I need more mornings like this, just calm and alone. Maybe meditate a little bit and figure out my life. I'm getting old, and I honestly feel like I'm running out of time to make things right or better. I know I'm not a complete failure, and I know that I've accomplished quite a bit. But I do feel like a failure some days. I know it's just my depression talking for sure, and I know I tend to look down on myself a lot - which is ironic, because if anyone knows me personally, I come off as very confident. Sometimes, too confident I may also come off as arrogant.

Things are going great for the most part, I shouldn't dwell on the negativity. I'm sure things will be better, and at some times things will be worse. It's inevitable, but I have to keep my head up. There's really no other way to go but move forward. The battle against intrusive thoughts is constant, but I won't let that get in the way. There's so much more out there yet!
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