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I feel old.
I often play it off as the fine lines on my forehead, which truly does bother me; but realistically, it is a bit less shallow than that. 
It still feels like yesterday - I used to tell myself that I still have these many decades before I'm 60. The ripe age of retirement. While I now understand that turning 60 doesn't necessarily mean life is over, we cannot deny the fact that most people do get sick by this time, and a lot of things become restricted.
My fear is that I have so many things to do yet, but time is ticking.
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I don't even know where to start, and I still really don't think I have the right words to describe how I feel.
Throughout the years, decades even, I have lost people dear to me to many causes. I don't think I've really ever cried so hard since my grandfather passed away in 2001. I understand that sometimes, our loved-ones will go before us, and I always keep in mind that finally they are at peace. It also doesn't really help that I am not a very empathic person, that's how my brain is wired. Before you ask, yes I do feel sadness and hurt, but it's just not as painful, for lack of better words. This time, it is a little... different. 
I met Andrea four years ago, when I got the new role I applied for and joined the team where she was already part of. It was the beginning of COVID, and we were already working from home. I never had the chance to see her in person, and we pretty much talked through our work chat.
2025, so far, what can I say? The usual, I suppose. Up and down. Bittersweet. Fruitful and disappointing at the same time. One thing stands true tho, no matter how much you try to stay away from drama, somehow it will find a way to get through. One way or another.
That being said, I refuse. I rebuke. I refute. Whatever English word fits best, I am not playing these games. One game the economy has been messing with again are egg prices. Really, of all things, eggs? 
The never-ending egg-chicken saga continues this year. I am so thankful for my beautiful hens, I have no regrets having them at all. While we don't really eat that many eggs, I still can't imagine paying the prices in the groceries now. My fondness of birds are paying off, I suppose.
I never really thought I would be one to say that I now find my entire happiness at home. Then, the cliche comes along and it's quite hard to deny this saying...
Home is where the heart is. 
It may be one of the most used up quotes, but I have to admit that it really couldn't be more accurate. See, I always craved adventure and going out in my younger years. During that time, there was a also a vast, empty void that I was trying to fill. I was out and about, finding ways to keep the happiness going. As an adult, I understand this more - it's like an addiction, I needed to go out and do something for dopamine. My happiness was temporary, I had to keep it going.
I am truly grateful for where I am now. My home life may not be lavish, my house doesn't have the white picket fence, and my husband and I both work hard to make ends meet - but it's fulfilling. Having our puppies, our other pets, my hobbies, and of course my best friend Bear. I know we can get through the ups and downs of life.
Here we are, venturing into another year of uncertainty and hopes! I want to say that every year is a rollercoaster of emotions and adventures, so I'm expecting this year to be another one of those. I have to say, things have gotten a lot more mellow in my life *knock on wood* and I don't really have any complaints. There are challenges here and there, but I wouldn't say it's anything unmanageable.
I realized that the older we got, the less festive "big" celebrations have become. I know that it's not the case for everyone, and it's a bit sad come to think of it. A lot of people are working on these holidays, they're not really holidays anymore. Bear was also working on NYE and NY, so we didn't really have plans to go out.
On New Year's Day, however, we did go to one of my favorite local places in Oshkosh - Pete's Garage. I have to say, they have one of the best cheese curds in town! Now, mind you, this place isn't like any other bars because they definitely have that (how do I describe this) sarcastic sense of humor. Now, they won't berate you like one of those places where they will talk shit and yell at you. This is more of a... they're sarcastic jerks with great food. So be warned, if this isn't your cup of tea send someone to order to just one person takes the hit for the team because you'd still not want to miss their food.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - time is my absolute enemy.
The gloom of winter is slowly creeping in, and I'm back on that phase of my life where I feel like I've accomplished so little and time is ticking on and on and on. I think that a big part of that is that I'm not getting any younger, yet I feel like there's still so much more out there that I would like to do and experience.
I just feel like I'm running out of time with so much more left to do.
Four years and three days ago marks the day I crashed in the Breezewood Lane roundabout on my Z125. It wasn't that bad, but I really didn't think I would ride again. At that time, I figured this wasn't for me. I'm too slow and stupid to figure out manual driving/riding, let alone being on two wheels.
As you can see, that's not how it really went.
It's been almost a month since I brought home my new 2024 Kawasaki Z500, and oh boy I am in love!
It's been very, very long since I last played a guitar. When I met my husband, one of the things that really attracted me to him was the fact that he was in a bank and played guitar and bass. I know it sounds really superficial, but I love music specially rock. It's really hard for me to admit that I have no talent in music aside from listening. I can't sing, and sadly I can't play any instrument. I tried learning guitars back in college, but it quickly went to the back burner until the fire just died.
A few weeks ago, the husband decided that he was going to upgrade his old guitars. He went ahead and sold his acoustic guitar since he doesn't really use it; and after many scam messages and flaky trade attempts in Facebook Marketplace, my husband decided to go straight to Guitar Center to trade in his bass and electric guitars and got himself an Epiphone Les Paul. Prior that, he got himself a Fender Kurt Cobain Jaguar and a Fender Jazz Bass. Long story short, the messy living room is now a messy studio.
Two weeks! It's been two weeks since I last had an entry, and it's been two weeks since I got promoted to my new role as an Operations Manager at work. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to post any updates the whole time. Sad. I did learn a whole lot during this time, though. While I wouldn't say that I have no clue what to do or what's going, it is still a very new environment for me.
But first, wine...
Managing Time
I knew I was going to be busy; I wasn't surprised about that. I know that things are easier said that done, so I can't say that I was surprised when I had to make so many decisions in a matter of a few hours, if not minutes, trying to determine what to really prioritize, and what comes after, and how to not neglect the rest of my responsibilities because I'm accountable for the outcome.
It's never too late.
When I was a freshman in college, one of my Accountancy major professors asked me what I envision myself to be in the future. I said, I was going to be a CEO. She laughed and asked me to be realistic. I said, I was realistic - it didn't have to be soon, or right after I graduate. I will be a CEO.
I wasn't thinking a large company - I was envisioning myself becoming my own boss. A business owner. I wanted to become my own tycoon. I wasn't really interested in becoming an accountant, despite what my family wanted me to be. 
Stock photos by Vecteezy
Well things took a turn. I shifted to a new major on my 2nd year in college and took up Marketing and Advertising. Things were going on different direction, that I was enjoying. I thought to myself, my goals are - by the time I'm 25, I should have a house, a car, and be in management. No matter what happens, that was the plan.
I haven't been feeling well since last Saturday, and the weekend is quickly approaching. Unfortunately, I'm still not feeling my best. I have some great news to announce later on, but in the meantime let me sulk in sadness as my brain is not working it's best. I've been really slow, and honestly just staring at my monitor with thoughts fading away into, well, the back of my brain for me to remember later and be annoyed that I forgot.
Hello Wisconsin!
12 hours apart - from Spring to Winter
I think the weather it's the weather getting me all feeling blue. I mean, it's not just me - my Bear, and people at work, have all been sick lately. And we're all scattered around the US, so it's not a localized thing. It's been really warm last week and, in fact, it was about 70°F a few days ago. It was so nice.... and we're back to winter!
Today's thoughts...
I feel like I am really getting old. The more time I spent thinking back, the more I realize that the things I've experience keep adding up in the many years of my life. I also acknowledge how much things have changed, and it's pretty interesting how our lives developed throughout the years.
There will always be someone trying to discourage us, and I'm not gonna lie and pretend that it doesn't affect us or that we can always just ignore these things. Growing up, many people including a lot of adults, told me that I wouldn't succeed or that my life wouldn't be good. I was a strong-willed, independent, and very stubborn child. It was perceived to be rebellious and good for nothing. It was absolutely not always rainbows and butterflies, there were tough times too. But I think this is why things are the way they are, and why I never really gave up. Same reason why I'm always positive and do my best to stay positive.
I haven't spent much time upstairs in the past few weeks, let alone this week. I never thought that Gypsie's passing would make the house feel a lot empty. She was a small cat with a big presence. I already spend my whole day at work up here, but I really couldn't bring myself to hang out in my craft room. It feels alone, and I really didn't have the initiative to do anything else.
Here I am with not much words to say. Just lost in thought. It's been a week, I haven't heard any meows, paws on my leg for treats. I miss her dearly. 
Monday started like a typical Monday - was very hard to get out of bed, the gloomy skies and intermittent rain made it much more favorable to close my eyes and just doze off again. My Mondays are typically mundane, unless I have something urgent or complicated going on at work - I did my usual checking of cases, emails, preparing for my first meeting, then onto the next.
One of the managers, who is usually very composed, requested for assistance for his team. I felt the panic in his voice, not sure if that's what it was, but that's how I perceived it. He then said that he didn't know if we knew yet, but one of our colleagues was missing since Sunday morning. We were all in shock, but we hoped for the best. I hoped for the best. 
I've never really thought of myself as an overthinker. While I tend to stick to personal routines to do things a certain way or in a certain order, I think I'm spontaneous to an extent. Well, I haven't been overthinking until lately. I know that a big part of that is from the stress of adulting, but the rest of my restlessness is quite unfounded.
My art is my escape. My paintings, my photography, and even doing my makeup is a some form of relief. I sat there, trying to paint, still in love with the beauty of fall - even if the colors haven't even turned yet despite being already halfway through October. But my mind was just lost in a hazy, random thought.
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Hey, it's me!I've always loved to write. Not saying I'm good at it, but hey this is the story of my life! 
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