I haven't been feeling well since last Saturday, and the weekend is quickly approaching. Unfortunately, I'm still not feeling my best. I have some great news to announce later on, but in the meantime let me sulk in sadness as my brain is not working it's best. I've been really slow, and honestly just staring at my monitor with thoughts fading away into, well, the back of my brain for me to remember later and be annoyed that I forgot.
I think the weather it's the weather getting me all feeling blue. I mean, it's not just me - my Bear, and people at work, have all been sick lately. And we're all scattered around the US, so it's not a localized thing. It's been really warm last week and, in fact, it was about 70°F a few days ago. It was so nice.... and we're back to winter!
I feel like I am really getting old. The more time I spent thinking back, the more I realize that the things I've experience keep adding up in the many years of my life. I also acknowledge how much things have changed, and it's pretty interesting how our lives developed throughout the years.
There will always be someone trying to discourage us, and I'm not gonna lie and pretend that it doesn't affect us or that we can always just ignore these things. Growing up, many people including a lot of adults, told me that I wouldn't succeed or that my life wouldn't be good. I was a strong-willed, independent, and very stubborn child. It was perceived to be rebellious and good for nothing. It was absolutely not always rainbows and butterflies, there were tough times too. But I think this is why things are the way they are, and why I never really gave up. Same reason why I'm always positive and do my best to stay positive.
I haven't spent much time upstairs in the past few weeks, let alone this week. I never thought that Gypsie's passing would make the house feel a lot empty. She was a small cat with a big presence. I already spend my whole day at work up here, but I really couldn't bring myself to hang out in my craft room. It feels alone, and I really didn't have the initiative to do anything else.
Here I am with not much words to say. Just lost in thought. It's been a week, I haven't heard any meows, paws on my leg for treats. I miss her dearly.
Monday started like a typical Monday - was very hard to get out of bed, the gloomy skies and intermittent rain made it much more favorable to close my eyes and just doze off again. My Mondays are typically mundane, unless I have something urgent or complicated going on at work - I did my usual checking of cases, emails, preparing for my first meeting, then onto the next.
One of the managers, who is usually very composed, requested for assistance for his team. I felt the panic in his voice, not sure if that's what it was, but that's how I perceived it. He then said that he didn't know if we knew yet, but one of our colleagues was missing since Sunday morning.
We were all in shock, but we hoped for the best. I hoped for the best.
I've never really thought of myself as an overthinker. While I tend to stick to personal routines to do things a certain way or in a certain order, I think I'm spontaneous to an extent. Well, I haven't been overthinking until lately. I know that a big part of that is from the stress of adulting, but the rest of my restlessness is quite unfounded.
My art is my escape. My paintings, my photography, and even doing my makeup is a some form of relief. I sat there, trying to paint, still in love with the beauty of fall - even if the colors haven't even turned yet despite being already halfway through October. But my mind was just lost in a hazy, random thought.
Life's been pretty stressful lately. While I don't really talk about it or even show the extent of my (financial idiocy and) miseries, it is happening in the background more often than I care to admit. I've probably mentioned my struggles a few times before, and I really don't like doing that - but I'm pretty transparent, so I guess there's that.
That being said, tough times sometimes bring out the best in people. It definitely brings out the best out of my husband for sure. I never really want to burden Bear with anything. I think a part of that is the thought that I'm older - so I should be more responsible in handling things. Yet here he is, bailing me out of every stupid decision I've made. I've really been down lately, and I honestly feel ashamed because I've let my husband down too. The fact that he's very supportive and caring the whole time is priceless, I really appreciate it that he's by my side no matter what.
We got home last night from a family dinner, and Bear prepared my foot massage and soak! I really couldn't be anymore grateful!
I need more time just like this... just to contemplate
I woke up pretty early today. Well, too early if you ask me. Bear sat next to me before he had to leave for work and we cuddled, but of course Ein had to come up and pounce me nonstop because he had to go out. Afraid of poopie accidents, the cuddles were cut short and I took him out at 5 a.m. on a Saturday and I haven't fallen asleep since. And if you were curious, no Ein spent his time running around chasing Hans, sprinkled his business and no poop, and well, ran around and chased some leaves.
I've had my early lunch, cleaned the kitchen and the back hallway (partially). I think I'm done for the day and I'm ready for a nap. I easily get drained on weekends, and thinking about the upcoming trip I have on Monday just makes me more anxious and tired in advance.
Fall just arrived, but it feels like winter is already just around the corner. The chilly, crisp air is something I really love, but today's gloom seems to just bring me unjustifiable sadness. It's just so gloomy, which is odd - typically I feel comfort during this weather. Maybe I haven't had enough of summer just yet.
But hey, let's make the most out of it! Because the arrival of fall and winter means new opportunities to take photos. And also more time to craft because we won't be doing activities as much. So what things should I prepare for this season?
It's not that bad. Just challenging... and expensive.
A lot of kids can't wait to grow up because it seems so simple that adults can do whatever they want and there are just no rules to follow. As an adult, and you probably are too, you would know that's a lie. Adulting is quite the struggle - there's actually a lot of rules that apply (e.g. laws) of what you can and cannot do, and what you should do or else you get in trouble, like filing your taxes.
I personally enjoy my adulthood. There's a lot of challenges, but I know we'll get through it so I never really think of it as an issue. I mean, they are, but I try not to let it bring me down. I know people handle problems different and I typically prefer not to tell people who aren't involved. Probably another reason why some folks would think I have the perfect life, and some people assume that I'm rich and swimming in thousands of dollars if not more - because life is good.
Now here's the truth.
2022 was a year full of new experiences, successes, and heart aches. I love looking at the bright side of things. If you have been following me, you know that I do my best to shoo away any negativity and try to keep an eye on overcoming obstacles and staying on top of things.
Despite my best efforts to stay on a good note, it's quite inevitable for some things (or people) to squeeze in some darkness into my life. That being said, it's one of the things I still hope to overcome this year and remain strong.
Is it too early to tell?
Well it's already December in Oshkosh, Wisconsin and we haven't had a good snow just yet. There was supposed to be a blizzard today and we were supposed to get about five inches of snow. It's almost midnight and nothing. Some places did quite a lot tho, so I think for some reason it totally skipped our home.
While I wallow in my disappointment that I didn't get my white, fluffy snow - most of the people here are glad. For reasons that I understand, but can't justify myself, I know why many people here do not like the snow. It's cold, it makes the streets icy and harder to drive, you have to shovel or blow the snow and on, and on. Well I do not hate doing any of those, and I actually would choose to blow the snow rather than mowing the lawn.
Finally, the weekend! Still not feeling 100% great, but we're getting there. So thankful I work from home and don't have to do manual labor, but the brain is also not at its finest so it could be draining. Perks of WFH - I'm gross and stinky, but can still go to work. Non-perks of WFH - I'm gross and stinky and still have to go to work. I'm pretty much behind everything I want to get done, but I think pushing myself during work days and barely sleeping definitely kicked my immune system to the garbage.
Hans & Ein says...
Before we move forward, the puppers wanted to share some love ♥
Just when I was super excited for this week to come and go, the COVID hits the fam.
It finally happened after three years of evading the monster of a virus, it finally hit Bear and I. I was super excited to work this week because my boss is finally back from his leave. I had to go all mushy and emo about how glad I was, and the following day - dread. Absolute dread!
But let me assure you - we are now doing well.
Let me tell you one thing about this tho - I have never felt flu like this ever before. I'm just glad the ordeal went by fast.
Instead of pondering into nothingness and just contemplating my thoughts, I decided I'll just go ahead and jot them down... right here. When we got home, I was hoping I would have the time and mental energy to accomplish things but I guess I wanted to savor the last few hours of my vacation and welp, I binged, napped, and went around town instead.
It's been over a week and I haven't really done anything on my list:
Set up the store
Blah, blah and blah...
Needless to say, extremely disappointed in myself.
We are finally home!
I haven't updated in a bit and sadly a bit delayed uploading some videos but I am pretty very happy. Just a quick update, my 2-week vacation from work is about to end which is quite sad, but I think we've accomplished quite a bit in those two weeks. That being said - more updates to come!
Hey, it's me!
I've always loved to write. Not saying I'm good at it, but hey this is the story of my life!
Things I Love
Photography. Puppies. Arts. Crafts. Cooking. Animals. Makeup. Beaches. Pink things.